My Fucked Up Life

GOD, you know.

My life sucks.

You don't hear me say that often. I don't say that often.

But my life sucks.

I am an unwanted child. And even if I'm not, my mom tells me I'm an unwanted child for whatever her fucked up reasons.

My dad. I don't even know what the fuck is wrong with my dad.

My eye hurts for absolutely no reason. My right eye. I can't even remember if it's this eye that got hit with the frisbee.

My eyesight is getting worse, because noone will take me to the optomitrist. Because they're all too damn fucking lazy.

In the car, I was thinking.

Tomorrow, I'm going to wake up early, and go find a job, riding the bus. My parents, like, won't let me ride the bus 'cause they're afraid of the scary people on buses. Wtf. And yet, they tell me to ride the bus all the time. They're like, I DON'T WANNA PICK YOU UP, RIDE THE BUS. And then when I want to ride the bus for some reason, they'll drive after me, telling me to get the fuck home.

When I have a job, I'm going isolate myself in my room, pay for rent, and live a seperate life. You know why I'm going to pay for rent? Because if I don't, my parents will bitch about how even though I'm paying for my own food and whatever, I'm still living in their house.

And my mom. What the fuck. Is wrong. With my mom. "Dad's yelling at your brother for watching so much TV and being on the computer so much (and throwing his life away) or he'll turn out like you." Wtf. Don't want Jimmy to turn out like me. And she's said that, like, so many times. Whenever my dad's "lecturing" my brother, my mom will say that to me. And I'm like... WTF, I DON'T WANNA HEAR THIS. And so one day, I asked my brother, after dad "lectured" him, what dad said, and whether he said, or else you'll end up like your sister. And my brother said no. So what, my mom's interpretation of the situation is that my dad thinks that ending up like me is bad? Or is it some screwed up trick my mom's trying to use to get me to hate my dad. And then today, and last night, she told me, like, five times, how my dad didn't want to bring me this morning (to workish). And I'm like... great.. I don't really wanna go. And she was like, I asked him this morning again, and he said he didn't want you. ... Great wording. And she was all, he didn't want you, so I had to bring you (to workish). And I'm like... WTF, I DIDN'T WANT TO COME!

Because, of course, staying at home isn't a possibility.

My mom hates me. She really does. I told my brother yesterday, he didn't believe me, and all day, stuff would happen, and I would be like, I told you so.

My dad doesn't want to talk about anything person. Nope, can't talk about our family situation; there is no family situation. Nope, family discussions, can't happen. I'll just let our family go to ruins, it's alright with me, I just have to work and make money. Because you guys spend a lot of money. Uhhuh.

And then people are whining about their horrible lives. How girls aren't interested in you. How you have to go travel with your family. How you don't have money to buy junk. How you don't have a car. How you have to go to work at a horrible place. How your friend is being bitchy. How you're pressured to get good grades. How you aren't going to get into a prep school because you got arrested for being an idiot. How you have low self-esteem because you are fat. How you're starving yourself and taking vitamins and fish oil pills because you need to get skinnier and taller to become a model.

God.

You're not fucked up in a fucked up family in a fucked up house in a fucked up life.

So just shut the fuck up.

I can't do anything.
I have money, can't spend it. Because I'm fucked up.
I have books, can't read them. Because I'm fucked up.
I have paper and pencil, can't write with them. Because I'm fucked up.

All I can do is watch my fucked up episodes of mindless television.

And I know I'm friggin' fucked up. So you (Todd, etc) do not need to remind me, like, EVERY FIVE SENTENCES.

I got a five on the AP Chem test. I had to think that over and over to brighten me up today.

I got a five. I got a five.

And then I think about how I'm one of the people who got a five on the AP Chem test.

And then everything's okay for a minute or two.

And then I remember how fucked up my life is.

I'm writing a book about my life,

Just Another Teenager,

because there is so much more.


EDIT: Sergio's leaving. My best friend is leaving. Sergio is going to Boston. Forever.

Cali

I would make an awesome rich person.

Sorta.

I would be like the cool celebrities who give their money away. But are still rich. And good-hearted.

Okay, there is no such thing.

But there is.

Money management?

CRY!

Hardcore Veronica mars

Last night will go down in history as the night Mary and Cherry stayed up 'til 9 A.M. watching 15 straight hours of Veronica Mars.

And then I ran on two hours of sleep for a little while. And then I passed out again.

Everything definitely seems funnier when sleep deprived.

WANG CHUNG! WANG CHUNG, DAMMIT! WANG CHUNG OR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS.

<222 Logan Echolls

Veronica Mars is the best goddamn television show ever.

Summer Sleep Pattern

So I like how I can't tell the difference between it being 12:30 AM or 3 AM.

So I thought it was 3. And I was worried about not being able to wake up before Mary comes and not being able to stay up all night watching Veronica Mars. And then I saw my computer clock, which read 12:30. And I was like ... Because my other clock said 2, because the one was blocked by something STUPID. And so, I figured it was 3 already.

My summer sleep pattern is so screwed up.

Two years of screwed up summer sleep patterns on the record.